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Will domestic violence continue through divorce?

On Behalf of | Sep 1, 2022 | Divorce |

There is this commonly held myth, perpetrated by popular media, that once you leave an abusive relationship, everything is okay. However, that is not always the case. Abuse victims leave to save their lives, but the abusers can find ways to continue their abuse, even during and after a divorce.

Financial isolation

The abuser often creates financial isolation. Abusers routinely take over the finances, including accounts and bill payments. When you leave, the first abuse that they will attempt is to cut you off from any way of making payments.

Then, they may open several additional credit reporting accounts in an attempt to lower your immediate credit score. This is an attempt to block you from getting your own credit accounts while the divorce is settled. And, it is an attempt to make even finding housing or a new job much harder.

Social and familial isolation

Next, after they have financially isolated you, they will attempt to isolate you from your family and friends. They will begin painting you as the bad guy, spread rumors and generally, gaslight you into the villain. They will force your friends and family to choose sides, and unfortunately, some will side with the abuser. If they have access to any of your social media accounts, they may delete them, modify them or just take them.

Legal isolation

If you have not already filed a Long Island, New York, protective order (or, even sometimes, if you have), they may immediately file a false protective order against you. They may also make false reports of child abuse, and in the most extreme cases, they may even attempt to plant items in your car before “reporting” you to the police.

Their goal

Remember, their goal is to force you back to them. Everything they do is for that purpose, which is why you have to plan for this before leaving. Unless you fear for your life now, take the time to plan your escape with your lawyer, family and friends. You will need to create a separate Long Island, New York, life, lock your online accounts, make sure you have a secured place to store your car and alternative living arrangements.

And, document everything starting now, including gathering all the photographic and other evidence of your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s abuse. This can help you avoid false legal tactic and fight for sole custody.